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As a parent, you want what’s best for your children.
You want them to achieve. You want them to hit the home runs in Little League. And you want them to get straight A’s in school.
But how far should you push your children to achieve? The simple answer: Not too much, says psychologist Michael Thompson, Ph.D., author of the new book The Pressured Child (2004, Ballentine Books.)
Dr. Thompson says it’s crucial to have realistic expectations for your children, because putting too much pressure on children can ruin the relationship a father has with his child.
“There isn’t a boy in the world who doesn’t want to live up to his father’s hopes for him,” Dr. Thompson tells interactive DAD. “Out of love and respect (children) will do the best they can.” But that may cause them to continue to participate, even though they dislike it immensely. He says failing to do so may make children feel misunderstood, neglected and even angry.
That’s why it’s critical for dads to be the adult, and let go of the activity if necessary, particularly if the father is almost always more excited to do the activity then the child. Dr. Thompson says dads frequently fall into the trap of pushing too hard by encouraging children to play hockey, baseball or football even when the child expresses interest in doing something else.
“Listen to your child,” advises Dr. Thompson, “if he or she wants to just play with friends instead of playing hockey or football—allow your child to do ordinary things.” |